Tired....

...but I am not ready to go to bed. This is seriously the only time I get to myself....it's quiet, no one is bothering me and I can make a complete thought without being interrupted, and right now I am loving it! I know I better go to bed.....the kids will be recharged and ready to go in the morning. I can barely keep my eyes open, but I also feel like if I don't spend some time doing something enjoyable, I will be more stressed tomorrow.

I really didn't have anything to talk about...of course nothing to say when I can actually sit down and make a thought. I am completely exhausted. Ben and I are functioning on fumes right now. He has been so busy with his classes and roofing the house. We have had to make major house decisions lately and have been at each others' throats because of the stress of living out of a bedroom, taking care of three rowdy boys and building a house. It seems like we are always on the go and not having a place of our own right now is really wearing on everyone. It is so hard to live out of Rubbermaid tubs and duffle bags. We know it is all going to be worth it in the end, but man this is hard right now. We are frustrated, tired and excited all at the same time. Not always a pretty picture!

I am feeling quite lost myself. I devoted the last three summers to educating myself and challenging my brain. I think that being around others fulfilled my social needs. It seems that lately, I am missing that....never thought I would say that I MISS grad school, but I think I do. I haven't felt very accomplished lately. It was so satisfying to be going to school, and now that it is "gone" I feel like I am not doing a very good job at anything...at least I felt like I had an excuse when I didn't feel like I was being a good parent or I didn't get something done I was planning on..I was tired from school or the kids were out of sorts because I was gone. Now I have been around, and I have nothing to "blame" the imperfections on.

I made it!!!

This weekend I did something I never thought I could do. I graduated with my Masters of Science in Education degree from Buena Vista University's School Guidance and Counseling Program. Three years ago, I decided to take a leap and sign up for classes. For the past three summers, I have traveled to Storm Lake for the month of June. Leaving Ben and the boys was the hardest thing I have ever done as a mother. I struggled with so much guilt for leaving my family behind. At times in the summer, it was almost more than I could handle. It felt so good to actually do something for myself, but I felt so bad for leaving everyone behind. It felt so good for walking across the stage on Sunday to receive my diploma. It was very emotional to think of all that was sacrificed for the degree. I could never have done it without the support from my family. They stepped in to help Ben take care of the kids. I could never thank people enough for all they have done for me. When I signed up for the program, one of the deciding factors for starting when the kids were so young was that I wouldn't miss summer activities that the boys would be in. Tonight is Evan's first day of t-ball...I am so happy that I get to be there!